"You're kidding, right?"

by Jane Carnall

1st (or 2nd) season.

Avon looked at Blake incredulously. "I do not have sex with idealists," he said firmly. "And that's final."

Gan stared down at Avon in complete disbelief. "You want me to what?"

Cally reached up to pat Gan on the head. "But I'm the Token Alien and you're Comic Relief," she explained soothingly. "It would never work out."

"I don't care if it's coming up to Auronae Mating Season or not!" Jenna snapped. "My mother warned me about telepaths like you."

Vila looked uncomfortable. "Jenna, I just can't. That's all. I can't."


3rd season.

Tarrant bounced suggestively up to Avon. Avon stared incredulously at Tarrant. "I don't sleep with animals, either."

Avon sat down next to Cally, who stood up. "Your nose is too big."

Cally shrugged and gave up on Dayna. Just too goddam innocent to be true.

Vila looked uncomfortable. "Dayna, I can't. I just can't."


4th season.

Soolin stared at Tarrant. "Me, jealous of you? For your information, sunshine, I don't care if you do it with a warg-strangler - just not with me."

Soolin shrugged and gave up on Dayna. Just too goddamn warped to be true.

Avon looked incredulously at Dayna. "I don't care if your new device plays extracts from the Kama Sutra - I don't want it there!"

Vila looked uncomfortable. "Avon, I can't. That's all. I just can't."


5th season.

All right, Vila," (in chorus) "how come you can't?"

Vila looked uncomfortable. "Because I'm.... "

And he was shot from behind by a dying Federation soldier, creating the worst ever cliffhanger in Southern Comfort.

Avon, Blake, the clone, Cally, Dayna, Gan, Jenna, Soolin, and Tarrant all heaved a sigh. But nobody got nookie that night.

Except Tarrant, who had nookie with a wookie. He'll go fur.



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